Lane and I have been told that we’re walking through this experience with strength, resiliency, and grace. And maybe we are.

But what I have failed to share with you is the wrestling, and I think it’s time to talk about it.

2019 is the second year we’ve entered into without you and the first we’ve entered without your Grandma. This is also the first year we’ve entered since 2016 where the coming year hasn’t been obscured by the looming cloud of death hanging over our family.

But before we head into 2019, I want to take a look back at what 2018 held for our family.

I’ve kept my pregnancy with this little lady pretty close to my heart. Compared to sharing weekly (or more) with Norah, it’s basically been crickets over here. That’s partially because, well, there hasn’t been much to report, which is a miracle we thank God for every day.

But it’s also because pregnancy after loss is a hard and complicated path to walk. It’s a heady cocktail of intense joy and deep sorrow with a dash of hormones giving it a little extra spice. 

For those of you also carrying the weight of loss this season, I’m so sorry. This hurts. It’s heavy, and it’s just plain hard. Give yourself grace – take a few deep breaths and try to allow extra space for your grief, knowing that things may not go as planned, and that’s OK.

For those of you coming alongside someone after loss, thank you for helping to lift the weight ever so slightly. I know that it can feel awkward at times; even after our own losses I still feel like a bumbling toddler when I try to be there for someone else. But awkwardness is so much better than silence. 

So, to help you navigate this awkwardness just a little bit better, I’ve pulled together a list of a few ways you can come alongside a grieving friend this season.

How was Thanksgiving in heaven, baby girl? 

Did your grandma trace your ten tiny fingers, transforming each precious hand into colorful feathers atop a gobbling turkey? Is heaven’s fridge door covered with your creations? 

Did the savory aroma of that decadent meal being prepared persuade you sneak a couple before-dinner bites? 

Speaking of dessert, your Grandpa Green will want to know: do they use cool whip on pies in heaven? And does Jesus prefer pumpkin or pecan?

As the dust begins to settle after these wild weeks of moving in, we’re letting our to-do lists slow  and are relaxing into new routines. 

But we’re finding that this slower pace is revealing more of the empty spaces, more of where you should be – but aren’t.