HELLO, NORAH.

THOUGH SHE BE BUT LITTLE, SHE IS FIERCE.

We will.

Joanna ZuidemaComment

10 years ago today, Lane and I started dating.

I was sure there was no way that I, a nerdy music kid with a love for books and silence, could ever fall in love with this wild country boy with a muscle car whose heart runs on motor oil, loud noises, and fresh air.

 

And then I did.

4 years ago today, on a hot Minnesota summer day, that wild boy and I got married. We had the best party ever – a day full of laughter, love, and tons of (very sweaty) friends and family. I was positive there was there was no way I could love this man more.

 

And then I did.

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1 year ago today, Lane and I were enjoying our anniversary dinner 5 days after seeing that positive pregnancy test; simultaneously naive, terrified, and overjoyed with hope for the coming year. I was sure there was no way I could love our little family more than I did the moment we found out I was pregnant, the moment I saw him become a daddy, the moment we became three.

 

And then I did.

The first time Lane held Norah

The first time Lane held Norah

4 months ago today, at 4:06pm, Norah went to play with the angels.

I thought there was no way I could love our family more than when we met our sweet girl in that operating room and Lane kissed me on the forehead, tenderly watching over both his girls.

I thought there was no way I could love Lane more than when I saw him hold Norah for the first time.

I thought there was no way I could love Lane more than when I saw him be an incredible father, husband, and human through an experience nobody should ever have.

 

And then I did.

I thought there was no way we could take another breath after our first child, our precious baby girl, took her last.

I thought there was no way we could leave the hospital without Norah.

I thought there was no way we could plan our newborn daughter’s funeral.

I thought there was no way we could stand as a family in worship together one last time, our eyes fixed on a tiny white casket.

I thought there was no way we could continue waking up, each morning realizing that this is, in fact, not a dream.

I thought there was no way we could fall more in love with our daughter and each other every single day — our broken hearts reshaping around our new family, part of which is in heaven.

 

And then we did.

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Every day I thank God for this wild boy that I am now lucky enough to call my husband and the incredible father of our daughter.

I don't know what the future holds.

But after all that this year has taught us, I know one thing: our answer to whatever life throws at us will always be, “We will.”